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Friday, May 7, 2010

Over the Hump

I am a little more than half way through with my weight loss. It took me a little more than 9 weeks to lose 19lbs, but I'm feeling great. I'm more physically fit than I think I have ever been in my life. I have always wanted to be an active person, but I never wanted to put in the work to get there. I think my habits are finally starting to change.

During my workout classes today I spent a little time checking myself out in the mirrors. I am no where as thin as the other girls in the class, but I didn't let that get me down. My body has made quite a few changes the majority of which are in my upper body. My neck is slim and my chest is thin (aside from my boobs which are still too big!). My waist is small, but my hips, thighs and bum are still pretty big. I'm hoping that they will start to slim down as I lose the rest of my weight.

One thing I did notice about my observations is that I'm starting to like the way I look. I still don't love my body and I'm still self conscious of how I look, but my perception is starting to evolve. I was actually able to appreciate some of my changes. I like the way my size 14 shorts don't cling to my thighs. I like the way that my muffin top is slowly disappearing. I'm not as uncomfortable in regular clothes any more.

This is only the beginning of my success and my journey. I've committed 9 weeks so far to changing my body, and I'm willing to commit whatever else is necessary to get to my goal. I have conquered so many battles such as recovering after a binge, getting back on track after a vacation, increasing my workouts and I'm even learning how to avoid binging in healthy ways. Emotional stresses don't send me running to the cupboards like they used to. I'm really starting to change. My life is going to be so different, but I'm going to love every minute of it. Besides, now that I'm over the hump - it's all downhill from here.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Back to Reality

I am back from fabulous vacation in Key West, Florida. I had an amazing time and partied like I was on spring break. My husband and I successfully navigated the Duval Crawl hitting one bar after another for 3 days. I've had so many fruity drinks and cocktails I wouldn't even know where to begin with the logging.

I also enjoyed some interesting foods. Some healthy and some not so much. I enjoyed an chicken island wrap with chicken, tomato, avocado, pepper jack cheese, spinach wrap with mango chutney salsa. I also enjoyed lemon ricotta pancakes with strawberries and wheat berries, lobster shrimp Alfredo, Josephine crepes with banana almond and butter rum sauce. I lived it up both food and drinking wise.

I don't feel guilty. Vacations are a time to indulge and have a good time. However, my vacation is over and I'm back to the reality of eating healthy and exercising. I took yesterday off from exercising to recover from my vacation, but I leaped at the opportunity to go to the gym today. I even increased the intensity on my cross trainer.

Yes, I gained some weight. Yesterday I was six pounds heavier and today I seemed to have lost 3 of those pounds just by getting back to eating right and drinking lots of water. I have no doubt that most of the weight I gained is simply water retention. I'm not worried about it though. This is a lifestyle change so I just go right back to working hard and living the kind of life I want.

With every journey their is success and challenges. Sometimes a success is how you navigate the challenges. Even if you struggle and take a few steps back it doesn't mean that you can't push forward and continue on the chosen course.

I've stuck to this way of life for 8 weeks now. I've had ups and downs - mostly ups. I can't wait to see where this journey is going to take me. One thing I know for sure is that I'm 8 weeks closer to loving my body.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Vacation Tomorrow

I am so excited about leaving for vacation tomorrow night. I've been sticking to my workout plan even when I thought I wasn't going to. I love how I have this inner strength that pushes me to achieve my goals even when I don't think I can.

Yesterday my upper thigh was a little bit sore from playing softball. I didn't think that lifting weights was a good idea so instead I busted out my roller skates and went to the park. Yes, you read that right - roller skates not roller blades. My skates are pimp all black with hot pink wheels. That's how I roll - literally. I went with the intention of doing four miles, but once I got started I knew I could do six. Then, when I started ending my sixth mile I decided to do a seventh mile. After I was all done I glanced at my cell phone to see that I busted out those seven miles in 35 minutes. It felt great!

Today I woke up with a bad headache and decided to skip the gym yet again. I called one of my friends that was coming over to help me get ready for my vacation to see if she wanted to walk with me. We walked one time around my block a little less than a mile. After she left, I had a feeling that my short walk wouldn't be enough for me so I headed to the park. I decided to walk four miles. After the third mile, I felt like running a mile. I don't know why considering that I hate running and avoid it at all costs. I guess I just wanted to see if I could do it. I surprised myself and completed the whole mile.

My fitness level is definitely improving. Breathing wise I feel like I have a lot of endurance and that I can exercise for long periods of time at difficult levels. However, my legs and body are only slowly getting that message. I definitely feel like working out is getting to be addictive for me. I'm even considering bringing workout clothes on my vacation so that I can walk while my husband sleeps in. However, we will be very active on the vacation so I'm not sure that I will need to.

I'm feeling more confident about my ability to stick with my healthy lifestyle change. I don't think this vacation is going to be as scary as I thought. I have to start getting over my fear of not having complete control over menus and adapt to not being able to plan ahead of time. I'll be without myfitnesspal for 4 days, but I think I've learned a lot of skills to get me through my time away. I'm definitely going to indulge in fruity tropical drinks, but I'll be right back with my plan on Tuesday. My inner strength and desire to lead a healthy life is going to see me through my obstacles. I bet I even chicken out of ordering my high calorie drinks and go for the better ones.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Small Victories

Today marks seven weeks since I've started my life change and seven weeks closer to loving my body. I've exercised consistently and I've really made a difference in making healthy eating decisions. The positive changes are amazing and I'm really starting to feel like a new person. The old me would have found any excuse or reason to avoid working out and at the first hint of a stressful situation I would have binged to my heart's content. However, this new me has made working out and eating healthy a priority.

In the past, if there was a special occasion or a holiday I would use that as an excuse to eat whatever I want. Also, I shouldn't work out on that day because it's a special day and I deserve a break. However, I think I'm beginning to work through that. Yesterday was my two year wedding anniversary with my husband. I started the morning off by going to the gym. I chose a machine that would burn more calories so that the champagne and chocolate covered strawberries wouldn't be as much as a calorie hit. We went out to lunch and I ordered something healthy - and I didn't even finish my plate! This is definitely a victory!

Also, I survived my time of the month. Normally the week before my time of the month or during is a heinous eating time for me. Exercise is normally non existent because of my cramps and the only thing that will soothe those cramps is chocolate, and I'm talking large quantities of chocolate, like enough to fit into a U-haul. However, this time I stayed with my workout plan, made good decisions and ate reasonably. As a side note, exercise also helped with the cramps - go figure.

These two victories tell me something about myself. It tells me that I'm starting to become a different person. I'm starting to put me and my health first and I'm going to be successful. This weekend my husband and I are going to Key West for four days and I'm confident that I'm going to survive it. However, this is going to be my last time drinking for awhile because we are officially going to start trying for a family again. So, I plan on indulging in plenty of calorie filled fruity drinks. However, I plan on continuing to eat healthy. Every now and then you have to have a little bit of fun and let loose, but when vacation's over it's back to making good choices.

I'm excited with the person I'm becoming. I'm starting to like myself more than when I abused my body with unhealthy foods and long periods of time on the couch.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Showing Up is Half the Battle

Sometimes I feel like I can't finish my workout. I have the motivation to get to the gym and when I start doing my cardio and look at the timer I think - how will I get through this today? It's at that time that I remember that I have been doing it for the last six weeks. If I did it yesterday - I can do it today.

I have been consistently working out now for six weeks and I feel the benefits. I've lost 15 pounds, I'm considerably more tone and I'm even starting to like my body. I'm not quite at loving my body yet, but I'm six weeks closer to loving it. I have more energy most of the time, but I still get a little fatigued from all the exercise. I'm proud of all I've accomplished.

I enjoy shopping for healthy foods. I'm still trying to delve into different recipes so that I don't get bored. I even have my husband doing the 100 push-up challenge because if I have to work out - so does he! I'm still a little hesitant to put myself into situations where either I don't know what the food will be or if it will be healthy for me. However, I think that will go away with time.

I'm getting a little nervous about my vacation. I've made a plan so that I will continue working out 5 days a week and that my four days off hopefully won't mess it up too bad. I'm also a little nervous about my time of the month coming any day. Last time I didn't do very well, but I was still pretty new to the lifestyle change and not as committed as I am now.

There comes a point in which I just need to believe in myself. Not only that, but if I do mess up one day it doesn't have to become a pattern. I am doing this and I will achieve a healthy lifestyle.

Monday, April 5, 2010

It's Really that Easy

Who knew that the key to losing weight and getting fit is eating right and exercising? Seriously, who knew??? It's amazing all of the misinformation that is provided on TV, websites and stores. Want to lose weight quick? Take this pill it will have you skinny in no time. No time for exercise? You don't need it! With our proven system you can lose weight by exercising 5 minutes a day. Meanwhile, our society of instant gratification and quick fixes has led to the United States being one of the most overweight countries. It's sad.

The key to losing weight is diet and exercise! I can't believe all of the time I've wasted on the latest fad. I can't believe the money I wasted at a diet clinic that managed to keep me alive on 500 calories, 2 different pills and took all of my money. Sure, I lost weight, but I gained it all back. Why couldn't they have taken my money and taught me how to do it right?

Sure, I'm still at the beginning of this journey, but for the first time, I feel like this is a journey I'll finish. Why is that? Because this is realistic. In the last five weeks, I've changed a lot of my eating habits, but I'm still enjoying food. Let me tell you, I seriously have a love affair with food! Don't tell my husband. However, instead of eating sweets and salts and sugars and bad stuff - I'm enjoying eating healthier. I've been cooking more instead of telling my husband that tonight is fend for yourself night. I've been experimenting with new recipes (found a winner too - Crunchy Garlic Chicken - it's super yummy). I feel healthier and I'm starting to look healthier.

So, how do I feel about the last five weeks? I feel excited. Last week I even felt comfortable setting goals for myself. I've been scared to do that because I've been scared of failure. I'm five weeks in and five weeks closer to loving my body. This isn't a sprint - it's a marathon. I'm going to finish strong, but I'm going to have to take it one step at a time until I reach the finish line.

I'm enclosing the recipe that I teased above. I give all credit to Betty Crocker for this yummy recipe - thank you for making delicious and easy recipes.

Crunchy Garlic Chicken

6 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
3 tablespoons margarine, melted
1 tablespoon skim milk
1 tablespoon chopped fresh chives or parsley
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon garlic powder
2 cups cornflakes, crushed (1 cup)
3 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
½ teaspoon paprika
Cooking spray


Heat oven to 425F. Spray rectangular pan, 13x9x2 inches, with cooking spray. Remove fat from chicken. Mix margarine, milk, chives, salt and garlic powder. Mix cornflakes, parsley and paprika.

Dip chicken into margarine mixture, then coat lightly and evenly with cornflakes mixture. Place in pan. Spray chicken with cooking spray. Bake uncovered 20 to 25 minutes or until juice of chicken is no longer pink when centers of thickest pieces are cut.

Nutritional Info:

Calories 220 (calories from fat 80), fat 9g (saturated 3g), cholesterol 70mg, sodium 430mg, carbohydrate 9g (dietary fiber 0g), protein 26g, vitamin A 18%, vitamin C 6%, calcium 2%, iron 22%

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Fairy Barrier

I don't believe in fairy weight barriers. Why should it be any harder to to lose weight if it is divisible by 5? I had no problem losing 204, 203, 202, 201 and now at 200 - I'm stuck. I even got to 200 twice when I had a four day set back and went back to 205. It's a mental thing.

My husband seems to think that it's like the stock market when you buy and sell at certain numbers. Sometimes it goes fast once you break through the barrier. I disagree. I don't want to believe that 200, 195, 190, 185, 180, 175 is going to be any harder to break than 199, 194, 189, 184, 179, 174.

I think when we are stuck at a number it's easier to lose focus. I have been mixing up my calories, working out harder and I'm more in shape. Now is not the time to get discouraged and give up. A life long change means so much more than just getting to the right number. It means giving up old vices, sticking to a new way of eating food and loving your body as it is every step of the way.

I'll be honest. I struggle with loving my body. I look in the mirror and I see so many things I want to change. However, I forget what my body is capable of. I have feet that can carry me to places I want to go. I have a butt that is cushy to sit on. I have hands that are allowing me to type this blog. I have arms that can carry things. That is just the tip of the iceberg. My body is amazing and so is my mind and my determination.

So, screw you barrier. You will not get me down. I, in fact, will break YOU down. Why? Because I don't believe you. I believe in me and what I am capable of.

Monday, March 29, 2010

No Joy Without the Pain

Save Ferris 'Mistaken':

There's no joy without the pain,
It's the pain that makes us strong,
But sometimes it's just so hard to carry on.

Sometimes when I am having a rough time at the gym I sing those words in my head. I joyfully accept the pain both physical and emotional as long as it gets me to my goal of loving my body.

I've started increasing the intensity of my workouts both cardiovascular and with weights. It's a challenge. However, I remind myself that I was able to do the workout last week and I've survived. I did 40 minutes on Saturday so I can do it again today.

When it's hard to carry on it's the time to refocus and work harder. Food and laziness will not contribute to a fulfilled life. It will contribute to a shorter life that means nothing. I will not live without purpose.

I've been inspired by the people of mfp. It's amazing to see the obstacles people have overcome and how they deal with it to get to their goals. I am trying to become the inspiring story for myself though. I'm proud of all of the hard work I've done and I know how proud I'll be when I finally triumph over binge eating and laziness. It get's closer every day.

Four weeks down and four weeks closer to loving my body.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Little Changes

This week I got back on track after a rocky time of the month and the flu. I feel so energized and I am noticing so many little changes that are beyond awesome.

Friday morning I went to the gym in the morning. Later that evening I actually went for a walk by my own choice. Normally I shy away from anything that can be deemed as exercise if I've already worked out for the day. It was so nice walking around my block (about a mile) that I almost took a second lap. However, instead of taking that second lap, I made the decision to wash my car. My car only gets washed probably on a quarterly basis. I have been going to wash my car since forever, but it never gets done. Now my car is completely clean and hiding from the rain in my garage. These may not seem like huge events, but it's a start to being more active.

Today I've spent the day gardening and spring cleaning. It feels so good not to be sluggish and lazy. Normally, I would spend my Sunday sitting in front of a computer and eating bad because weekends are especially challenging for me.

I also signed up for a coed softball team. My friend Jen and I are really excited to play. We figured it's a good way to be a little active and have some fun.

It's so weird to be excited about doing all of these active things. Exercising is almost becoming a hobby for me and I feel so much more fulfilled now that I'm getting a lot more active. I love all of the positive changes that come with eating right and exercising. I can't wait to see what else changes.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Pushing Forward

I hit a milestone today. I have officially lost 10lbs. Losing those 10lbs means so much more than just dropping the weight. I gained those 10lbs after I had a miscarriage in January. It was an incredibly difficult time for me and I definitely ate some of my emotions. These last few weeks of getting back on track has been so incredibly healing. I feel like losing the 10lbs has helped me emotionally and it's getting me back to a better frame of mind. I feel so much more hopeful than I was a month ago. I feel like I'm able to go on.

It's amazing to find your inner strength. These last two weeks mean more to me than just getting healthy or losing weight - it is showing me what I'm capable of. I've worked out harder than I have ever before. I'm learning how to eat right and feel emotions instead of eating them.

Today I got a cramp about 12 minutes into the cardio portion of my workout and I pushed it out to make sure that I got my full 30 minutes in. I increased my weights and the incline on my warm up. I made these choices because I want to change and I'm tired of making excuses. I am strong enough to do this.

We all have obstacles in our lives. How we choose to deal with them defines us as a person. When I look back on my life I want to know that I lived life to the fullest. That I worked hard for the things that were important to me. That I experienced the full range of emotions - both good and bad. That I am capable of achieving anything I set my mind to. I want to live a life without regret. So I will push forward.

Saturday, March 13, 2010


I know I'm only at the beginning of the journey to love my body. However, each day I get a little bit closer to reaching that goal. Yesterday, I decided to make some other changes as well that would contribute to my goal.

Since I've gained weight, I haven't really cared what I look like. Every day I wear one of my tired old t-shirts and a pair of jeans. The most that ever gets done with my hair is a blow dry after a shower and I've stopped wearing makeup. Without being in shape I guess I feel like there is no reason I should care about what I look like and it seems like I've just become lazy.

I took a step towards changing that yesterday. One of my best friends, Jen, is a hairdresser and she has been dying to get her hands on my hair. I'm guessing that's because it's painful to see how much I've let myself go. Besides, I end up with pictures with her! Anyways, she brought me into the salon and told me to just let her work her magic. I came out with beautiful hair - I have blonde, red and brown highlights and the combination is phenomenal. She really does have a talent.

After hair, we decided to go shopping for some clothes. I have recently come to a point where I'm tired of looking like a man. When I was at Wal-Mart the other day some woman (the opposite of a stylish woman) complimented me on a shirt I stole from my husband and that's when I knew it was time to make another change. I did some research on my body shape and took the What Not to Wear approach. I found out I have a pear shaped body and I've been dressing all wrong. I followed the rules for my shape.

Jen and I have a similar body shape. I just tend to be heavier in the legs. We had fun picking out clothes for our pear shaped body. It's amazing - after doing some research I found clothes that were flattering to my body. With my new hair and new clothes I feel like a million dollars!

I'm honestly just tired of waiting till I lose weight to start loving my body. I want to start right now. I used to never want to buy clothes for my current size because I always wanted to wait until I slimmed down. No more! I'm going to start looking good at every step of the journey. Why? Because I'm worth it!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

What Really Matters

I think our whole lives we have been taught to consider the things that don't truly matter. We have been consumed by greed, ends justifies the means logic and negativity. If you don't act or look a certain way - you are judged. Beauty is determined by your weight and not your soul. Even though as a culture we have so much to be thankful and happy for, we have learned not to be content with what we have and always want more.

This weekend was a hard weekend for me because I was in an emotional tailspin. I felt like I was at the bottom of a well with no light to shed hope on anything. No matter what happened, I approached it with negativity. It was like I wanted to punish myself and continue to feel horrible.

However, today I was given a lesson by one of my best friends. The lesson my friend gave me was a simple one. It was a lesson she shouldn't have had to teach me. She reminded me of things I'd forgotten long ago. The lesson was to look at what really matters and what will fade away. Yes, I was depressed and sad, but I have my health. I have a husband who loves me, friends that will be there for me no matter what, a roof over my head and the opportunity to do the things in life that I enjoy. I have the ability to change the things I don't like about myself, but I need to also learn to love me just as I am.

What really matters isn't losing weight or fitting into that perfect dress. What matters is believing in myself - believing that I can and will change. There is so much negativity in the world and I don't want getting healthier to be one of those things - it is a positive change. I don't want to become "beautiful" on the outside at the risk of losing the person I am on the inside. I am going to strive to make the changes I need to make, but to look at them from a positive point of view. I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.

I can't believe that I forgot or don't consider how much good there is in my life. How much negative energy was eating away at my soul. I have so much to be thankful for and I owe it to myself to remember that on a daily basis. Afterall, its the good and the positive things that really matter.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


Today I resumed going to the gym after taking a day off to rest yesterday. It's amazing how focused and motivated I am. I feel so much more positive and that in itself is something new.

This last week I have been tested in so many different ways. I have had birthday parties, emotional stress, depression, tears and events. However, I stayed the course. I read a blog on this site that said to just feel the emotion, not eat the emotion - and I feel like that is kind of what I did. I'm normally an emotional eater and for the first time in a long time I feel like I can conquer that.

While I was working out, I heard a song by Britney Spears (yes, I know it's embarrassing, but her music is catchy - I understand if you don't want to admit it). The song was "Stronger" and I'm going to write down a few of the lyrics that applied to me and probably applies to others that are making this lifestyle change. So here it goes:

Stronger than yesterday
Now it's nothing but my way
I am stronger
Than I ever thought that I could be, baby
I used to go with the flow
Didn't really care 'bout me

Admittedly, the song is about leaving a guy or at least that's what I think it's about, but those words I wrote above spoke to me. I am stronger than I was yesterday. I am stronger than I was last week. I am 100 percent stronger than I was last month. I didn't really care about myself and it's evident in the way I treated my body. So, I am going to take my strength and do something about it.

One Week Down

It's one week down and one week closer to loving my body. I figured today I would start blogging because I know that the journey I'm on is for real this time. I can feel the motivation coursing through me and I know that I really want it this time.

I can actually say that I feel proud this week and a little optimistic. It's been a long time since I could say that I am really optimistic about changing my body. I feel like this is the time to start making changes. I feel like if I don't do it now, I'll never do it.

I am also officially saying no. No to diets, fads, pills, programs and unrealistic expectations. I am saying yes to making smart choices, being conscious of what I am eating and still enjoying the foods I love. I am also saying yes to "budgeting" foods that I enjoy whether allowing for the calories or working out to earn them. I am also saying yes to accountability.

It's not going to be an easy road, but isn't it always the harder road that makes getting there worth it? I can and will do it. I owe it to myself, my husband and the children I don't have yet but already love.